Low-Demand Parenting by Amanda Diekman

Author:Amanda Diekman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2023-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

Drop “in the moment”

Anytime your child seems to be getting stressed, you stop talking. Or greatly reduce your words. If you accidentally ask a question, say, “Oops, you don’t have to answer that.”

How we supported our son when words dropped out

When my son is calm, he is a chatter box, so it would have been easy to go with “shoulds”—he should be able to talk to me; he should be able to tell me what’s hard; we should be able to talk this through kindly. But in our case, mouth words became impossible. They got stuck inside my child who wanted desperately to express his needs in words but could not. Again, it’s a can’t, not a won’t. He either locked the door and ignored us completely, or raged and screamed, allowing this powerful communication to flow through his body and into the world.

I began to view his rages as meaningful communication and then could see his resilience, his fierce determination to be known. He did not play small in the world, and I was grateful.

But to ease the challenge of expression, we made communication boards for the toughest times of day and the hardest situations for him to talk. We made boards for him to say if he wanted to talk to me or be alone, if he was done talking or could keep going, how much energy he had in the tank, if he wanted Mom or Dad to be with him, and if he wanted food, water, or his tablet. Any time I was going to add a demand that he interact with me, I added in a nonverbal support so that he could use his native language to express himself.

Some of these nonverbal supports are in the Resources section.

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